Super Tuesday Humor: Welcome to the Republican Party


I know, the workweek can get you down. In an effort to alleviate some of that ‘working for the weekend’ blues, we offer a couple of jokes to lighten your mood while aggravating your liberal friends! Share these with folks to make them smile… or seethe.

(Both of these jokes have a long Internet history – they are not original to us, but we cannot find an originator either. As such, we’ll attribute them to that popular funnyman… anonymous.)

Helping the Homeless

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Recently, while I was working in my front yard, my neighbors stopped by for a chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During the conversation, I asked my neighbors’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, who are liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed with pride.

’Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that! You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.‘

welcomeShe thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ’ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50? ‘

I said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.


Liberal College Hypocrisy

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.

Her father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “Audrey could instead use her popularity around the school to pressure meeker, smarter (but less popular) students into giving her their meticulous notes, threatening the use of her ties to the football team break into the student’s room and make it look like it was hit by a scud missile.

“Thus, Audrey would only be required to show up to class on the date of the test (provided by the new member of the alliance) and would still be free to lead her four-year term in college as the leader of the popular crowd. It would also allow her the free-time from going to classes to mingle with high ranking officials on the campus in order to achieve four more years in graduate school.”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

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