Muslim Family Therapist Defends Wife-Beating while Blaming the Victims!

This is Islam.

The Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI) is seemingly always on the clock monitoring electronic traffic coming out of the Muslim world for the latest examples of the real Islam. They recently came across this telling (and disgusting) little clip out of Saudi Arabia, where popular Muslim family therapist Khaled Al-Saqaby imparts some basic advice for couples dealing with marital problems.

He begins with explaining why these marital problems develop and the stages in which the husband should deal with these issues.

I believe that the problem arises when husbands do not understand how to deal with disobedience. Some women disobey their husbands and make mistakes with them, and their husbands think this is due to inadequate treatment (of disobedience). Allah said: “As for those on whose part you fear disobedience – advise them.” This is the first step in disciplining one’s wife.

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First, remind her of your rights and of her duties, according to Allah. Then comes the second stage – forsaking her (in bed).

Forsaking in her in bed is interesting, as it basically boils down to turning your back on your spouse in bed. Yep, that’s a whole stage. It seems rather inadequate, considering that the very next stage if the whole turning your back thing doesn’t work, is BEATING her.

Then comes the third stage – the issue of beating. We have to understand that the aim is to discipline, not to vent one’s anger. The necessary Islamic conditions for beating must be met.

Al-Saqaby goes on to say that the beating should not occur with a rod (as he holds up a large branch) or with a sharp object, but SHOULD be done with a small stick or a handkerchief. Then he gets in to the meat of the matter, that most of the time, the beating is the woman’s own fault.

… There are things that the wife does which may lead the husband to beat the wife… Undoubtedly, some of the causes pertain to the wife. Let me mention two of the many causes. The first is arguments between the wife and her husband. Unfortunately, some wives want to live a life of equality with their husbands… this is a very grave problem. In addition, sometimes a woman makes mistakes that might lead her husband to beat her. I’m sad to say that there are some women who say: “Go ahead. If you are a real man, beat me.” She provokes him.

I kid you not. See it for yourself.

Lest you think this is just one man’s interpretation of Muslim teaching, let the folks at Jihad Watch clear things up by pointing to Muslim scripture.

“Men have authority over women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because Allah has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them.” — Qur’an 4:34

Muhammad “struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?” — Aisha (Sahih Muslim 2127)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Islam. Even worse, Al-Saqaby actually represents a more moderate or tolerant version of Islamic teaching on this issue. If you find what he had to say offensive, wait until you read the things that other Muslim leaders have to say on the subject.

Folks, this is Islam.

The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by

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