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Crime Culture

McDonald’s Mascot Forced to Keep Low Profile Because of ‘Creepy’ Clown Sightings

Written by Philip Hodges

I haven’t seen any clowns in my neck of the woods, but apparently “creepy” clown sightings – where people dressed as clowns are reported to be trying to lure kids into wooded areas – are happening to such a degree that schools have been put on lockdown, and police investigations have been sparked.

The sightings have caused such a stir that even the clown mascot for McDonald’s is being forced to keep a low profile.

The fast food giant issued this statement on the matter:

“McDonald’s and franchisees in the local markets are mindful of the current climate around clown sightings in communities and as such are being thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald’s participation in community events for the time being.” 

I can imagine Ronald McDonald calling a press conference where he’d first denounce these so-called clowns, and tell reporters that the actions of a few “extremists” do not in any way reflect the clown community as a whole. So, why should he have to change his completely innocent lifestyle and interactions with kids – by limiting his participation in community events – just because of what a few radicals have done?

And he’d lament that no one ever really even noticed clowns, until the bad ones started trying to scare little kids, and now all of a sudden, people think that all clowns must be that way. And instead of cracking down on the bad ones, and Americans understanding that these bad ones shouldn’t even be called clowns, he’s the one being forced to lay low for his own security.

And he’d mention how ever since all these sightings have been taking place around the world, people look at him funny. Police are automatically suspicious of him. Mothers hold their children back and clutch their purses.

Think I’m taking this joke a little too far? How about these people organizing a “Clown Lives Matter” rally? I’m not making it up:

The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by

About the author

Philip Hodges

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