You’ll Never Believe the Latest Crackpot Theory for Saving the Human Race from Climate Change!

Stephen Bowers
Written by Stephen Bowers

This is a stupid cartoon/essay, but that isn’t my fault. Really stupid things hit the news, and some are so idiotic they deserve ridicule. I mean…comment.

I recently read of a “scientist” who told how “we are going to save ourselves” in the bleak and scary future. It involves chickens (but, only peripherally…it ain’t the fault of any particular chicken).

The “scientist” in question, of whom I’ve never heard or read before (but, apparently, she’s a celebrity…and you know how that goes), said we must “shrink ourselves” in the future. By shrinking ourselves (this is to be accomplished by “evolution”…if you were wondering or care), we will all diminish the burden on the Earth’s biological economy by getting small. It will reduce methane gas emissions (I assume cows will also have to shrink because they are the main methane offenders…as we all know due to serious, recent and extremely expensive government studies). (I immediately began worrying about those shrimp the government researchers forced to plod along on tiny treadmills…Should they also “self-shrink” to reduce their methane footprint while they are toiling and treading away? Is it fair to expect shrimp to shrink …and become even shrimpier? These finer points are above my pay grade… so I’ll leave that question to the unknown celebrity scientist referenced above.)

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Here is the chicken part. Ms. Celeb-Sci thinks the perfect future human scale would be about the stature of a chicken. (She didn’t elaborate why this scale would work well, but she is certain it’s a good size. Remember, when you’re a self-appointed expert, you don’t have to account for the facts supporting your musings…you can just make crap up and trot it out.) This, of course, would necessitate re-tooling cars to chicken size. (Maybe by then chickens will have evolved brains and be able to chauffeur us around in our pint-sized autos. Or …maybe…they’ll figure out how they’ve been getting the raw end of the stick for centuries.  No more omelets or barbecued wings. Maybe with the advent of size parity, chickens will start ringing our necks!)

1-21-2016I’m not making this stuff up. (Well…not all of it.) I think I read it in the Huffington/Puffington Post. They have an occasional good art article in Huff/Puff Po, but I think the rest of their stuff is for comedic purposes. Like evolving to chicken size. Oh…and no more worries for teenage boys about getting stuck on the top of a malfunctioning Ferris Wheel with your girlfriend…since they will be so much smaller. (But, maybe teenage boys don’t worry about that sort of thing, anyway. I don’t remember.) “Science” is truly making the brave new world look much safer.

Here’s the fun part. The story headline was how “science will save us.” As is nearly always the case, “Science” and evolution theory get conflated. To liberals (scholars or politicians…it doesn’t matter) “science” and “evolution” are interchangeable.

But they are not the same. Science is the discipline of thought wherein we seek to learn things that are true (provable or disprovable) about our world. “Evolution” is a horse and buggy era theory, which has been continuously debunked by the fossil record. (Darwin said the fossil record was the crucial keystone of his overarching theory. And it hasn’t worked out.) A “theory” is a method scientists utilize to learn things that are true about the world. An idea is spawned somehow and then factual data is marshaled with a view to proving/disproving the theory. For example: the fossil record, according to evolutionary theory, should be replete with “missing link” fossilized critters. But, there are none. Ergo, we should toss evolutionary theory. But, of course, that would hurt the school text book business. Not to mention the egos of thousands of “scientists” who have been spouting untested evolutionary ideas for decades.

What this unknown celebrity-science-chick is actually saying is … “Evolution will save us.”

Another fun fact to tweak evolutionary supporters; the Celeb-Sci-Chick (I couldn’t resist) appearing in Huff Puff Po says we are going to accomplish our evolutionary smallerization by thinking it so. (Now for fun stuff that drives liberals nuts…) The Bible says …(any Biblical allusion causes liberals to cringe and rend their garments) “…that you cannot add even a few inches to your stature by wishing for it no matter how hard you wish.” (Rough paraphrase.) The same principle applies to self-reduction. So do not expect to start reducing your height or personal carbon footprint any time soon.

Nor do you need to worry about your progeny being chased around by hungry man-sized malevolent chickens, either.


The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by

About the author

Stephen Bowers

Stephen Bowers

I am an attorney in Las Vegas who has always wanted to draw political cartoons, partly because I like drawing, but mostly because I enjoy ridiculing pompous know-nothings. Verbally debating them gets nowhere. They don't know they're beaten. But poking fun at them in a drawing leaves them without recourse or rebuttal. What can they do...? Call me names, whine, cuss me ... or maybe draw a witty riposte? Unlikely.
Steve Bowers, Esq.

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