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Culture Education

CONFIRMED: Public School Lunches Contain at Least 1% Edible Material!

Michelle Obama must be happy…

Students in St. Louis area high schools were delighted to learn that contrary to popular belief, their lunches do contain the 1% edible material. For the most part, students were very satisfied with the government’s effort to provide healthy lunches for students that are usually around 600 calories, but end up closer to 50 calories because of the amount of food wasted by students. One student, whose honesty can be questioned said that even though scientists have proven that at least 1% of his lunch is not poisonous, he will continue to throw away his food.

Not all students were as gloomy though; a freshman student, who is also a member of the low brass section in the school band, said that he is exited to know that he will only be consuming a maximum of 99% rat poison in his food.

Lunch ladies have also said that food-related illness has only risen by 1,000% this year after the findings were released, the lowest growth in illness since the new meals were first introduced into the teenagers’ diets.

One student, who seemed to have spy equipment and had a strange accent said he was excited that the scientists had proven that the lunches contain 1% edible material, saying that it will help other countries gain an edge over America, as this 1% was not sufficient for the students’ development and education.

At press time there were several students celebrating the fact that they are eating 1% edible material.


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Young Publius

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