Canada Cruz Control

THIS JUST IN … CNN announced that Ted Cruz was born in Canada.  This is a big deal to “Constitutionalists.”

As you recall, a year or two ago the big media geeks announced that “Constitutionalists” were inherently evil and just as bad as Evangelical Christians (like both my grandmas) and gun owners (like just about everyone I know). In fact, it was announced by that wall-eyed woman with the butch skunk hairdo, that these sort of people were the new “terrorists”. Apparently, the type of fun-loving  terrorists we met on 9-11 had become extinct and it was no longer proper to refer to “Islamic Extremism.” But Skunk Do felt we needed to be educated on this issue and start watching out for “constitutionalists, evangelicals and gun owners.” The new Troika of Evil.

This reminded me of a little old lady I knew several years ago who took a vacation to China and filled one suitcase with Chinese Bibles. (She was traveling alone, her husband being dead.) She was told that the Chinese soldiers who man the border checkpoints are looking for three types of contraband. They watched for 1) drugs, 2) guns and 3) Bibles. That is/was their “Troika of Evil.” Those are the three things they feared most. This is true of all totalitarian regimes. Hey … possessing a Bible will get you a death sentence in Saudi Arabia (our “ally” in the Islamic world).

take our poll - story continues below

Should Brett Kavanaugh withdraw over sexual misconduct allegations?

  • Should Brett Kavanaugh withdraw over sexual misconduct allegations?

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Completing this poll grants you access to Eagle Rising updates free of charge. You may opt out at anytime. You also agree to this site's Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

cruz2Before I get too far from the CNN story I want to explain why I engage in poking fun at the physical appearance of enemies, like Skunk Do. Such fun has a fine historic tradition. For example, an old friend used to give me books he thought I needed to read. He was a closet liberal. I think he was losing his mind in his dotage. (A lot of evidence has surfaced since his recent death.) The books he gave me nearly always had high-sounding titles and sometimes even espoused the things he said they did.  He was always trying to straighten me out. Giving me pompously titled tomes was one of his methods. (Another and less effective method was shouting the same arguments, which had failed to persuade when spoken in normal conversational volume.) One slim book he gave me in 2007 was supposed to explain “how things actually worked in America.” I should mention my friend never read these books he expected me to read, he just thought I should have my mind expanded in certain areas. I became suspicious the book was rubbish when I noticed the prologue was penned by Noam Chomsky (who my friend did not know). The next funny thing I noticed was how each short chapter, each being devoted to lionizing or excoriating some prominent person, started off with a physical description of the person who was the topic of the chapter. If the description was favorable, the guy’s politics were always applauded.  If the person described was depicted as ugly, badly dressed, overweight or possessing a speech impediment, his/her personal politics or behavior were also, correspondingly, ugly. Apparently, in the liberal mind-set, politically unpleasant and undesirable thinking, always, cosmically and mysteriously, aligns with unpleasant physical characteristics. I personally never noticed this phenomenon.

Relatedly, a funny aside happened about a year ago when my wife found this book in the library dustbin and, thumbing through it, found a short chapter discussing one (then unknown) Barack Obama. He was described simply as possibly the latest and greatest hope for the World. She angrily asked where I had gotten the book. When I explained how I was not a closet Trotskyite and who had given me the book, she just muttered “I see” and walked out of the room rolling her eyes.

(I think this is a good time to point out I think Obama is far from a “good lookin’ guy,” in spite of what “People Magazine” may think. Or the gender-confused Chris Matthews. I also find his manner of public speaking irritating and affected. The way he accents and stresses the last word of every sentence is very tiresome.)

So, as I hope I have successfully rationalized, making fun of your enemies is an acceptable act. Besides, why worry any longer about the feelings of people who dream about lining us up in front of a bullet-pock-marked wall for very flimsy reasons.

So … CNN announces that Cruz was born in Canada. So what? Isn’t Canada really sort of the 51st state? Canadians are just like us except they are so polite they don’t even complain about having awful socialized medicine. (Pardon the verbal redundancy in that last sentence.) They also wear a lot of lumberjack attire and pronounce words funnily. For instance, “garage” somehow rhymes with “badge” and only has one vowel. But these are quibbles. On the whole we’re one people.

So what if Cruz was born there? I like Canada as much as I like Hawaii and I like Canada much better than Kenya.

cruz-canadaAnd have you heard what Prof. Dershowitz said about Cruz’s performance at Harvard Law? Such glowing praise of a person’s character and academic performance is a rare thing anywhere, particularly in academia. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Prez who was president of Harvard Law Review and did NOT have to hide his grades? (Where I attended law school you had to be in the top ten percent of your class to qualify for law review. So why hide your grades? Makes me wonder if we have the first “Affirmative Action” President.)

After all the evasiveness of the Administration about Obama’s eligibility, how can any liberal be squeamish about some guy like Cruz who hides nothing about his personal history. But, of course, I understand how upsetting he can be to liberals. He not only doesn’t hide his grades and birthplace, he is outspoken about his Christian faith, probably reads the Bible and that sort of thing. Probably owns a gun or two (he is a Texan, after all). And I’d lay odds he can recite the Constitution backwards (unlike the “Constitutional scholar” currently flying all around to golf courses on Marine One).

Cruz is the personification of the liberal’s troika of evil and liberals have suddenly become … (gasp) … “Constitutionalists!” (See my cartoon.) Next thing you know, they might buy guns. Next they might pick up the Bible and start … naaaaw, that’s probably a stretch.

Besides, CNN opined that in spite of his ignoble Canadian birth, Senator Cruz is qualified to be Prez. For a liberal, that’s Ex Cathedra, and should settle it.



The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by

About the author

Stephen Bowers

Stephen Bowers

I am an attorney in Las Vegas who has always wanted to draw political cartoons, partly because I like drawing, but mostly because I enjoy ridiculing pompous know-nothings. Verbally debating them gets nowhere. They don't know they're beaten. But poking fun at them in a drawing leaves them without recourse or rebuttal. What can they do...? Call me names, whine, cuss me ... or maybe draw a witty riposte? Unlikely.
Steve Bowers, Esq.

Join the conversation!

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, vulgarity, profanity, all caps, or discourteous behavior. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain a courteous and useful public environment where we can engage in reasonable discourse.

Send this to a friend