Foreign Affairs Political Cartoons Politics Terrorism

John “Ketchup” Kerry is a Fool

Sometimes my cartoons need “HELP” because they’re a little too cryptic, obtuse, mis-informed, uninformed, or (I admit it) dumb.

1) John “Ketchup” Kerry made a dumb remark the other day. I’m still not sure what he meant, but like everything he does, why waste the time figuring it out. When Biden says something that doesn’t make sense, you chalk it up to stupidity because you know there’s a very slim chance anything he says will rise above “stupidity.” (That’s similar to some of my cartoons…according to my lovely wife. And that’s enough of that.) When Obama says something that doesn’t make sense it’s because truth and nonsensical things are usually antithetical. They don’t share the same space. When Lois Lerner says something that doesn’t make sense it’s because she’s calculating in her head whether she’ll later have to plead the Fifth to hedge around what she says. When Susan Rice says something dumb it’s because she’s reading dutifully from the dumb script in front of her. When Mrs. Clinton says something dumb it’s because she’s hedging her bets with a view to the next presidential campaign …or walking back some heinous thing Mr. Clinton did to some helpless woman in Bill’s own personal “War on Women.”   Besides, when Hillary says anything you have to ask yourself “WHAT DOES IT MATTER?” Right? But when Kerry says something dumb ie; “Terrorists cannot deliver healthcare” (If he actually said it, it’s so dumb I doubt even he could have said it…but if it wasn’t mouthed by him, that’s tough. This is a cartoon and only an idiot would try to say it depicts reality…even my personal weirdo version. And there’s always the First Amendment.)  But if he said it, I suppose it needs no explanation, although the speaker does.

heinz2)  “Ketchup” Kerry needs only a short explanation. He’s married to Teresa Heinz, of the ketchup Heinz’s. Teresa was married to a now departed senator who was heir to the ketchup makers.  She got lots of ketchup money at the senator’s death. Then she got John. See how it works? Some of my pals would call that “Karma.” Some senators get wealthy while they’re in the Senate because they marry rich widows during their public service. Others get wealthy in the Senate by other, less obvious, means. (See Harry Reid.)

I know it isn’t a very funny nickname, but Kerry isn’t funny either. He needs help. He should hire me to be his publicity guy.

3) Mr. and Mrs. America sitting in front of their TV have noticed the irony of “Ketchup’s” statement. The terrorists, whose main objective/accomplishment is hurting, killing, stoning, beheading, mutilating and kidnapping/enslavement of women, truly ain’t much good at governance. And what do they need healthcare for? And why should they try to deliver it to anyone. Although, they do have half this healthcare thing down. They have the “death squad” thing down to a “T.” They are almost as good at the “death squad” thing as those jerks in the Phoenix VA facility, which is a great example of how the government will hand out “free healthcare” when they actually get past the botched computer website stage and start actually passing out hospital beds, pills and x-rays. After Obamacare starts up always check to see which “list” you are on. It seems the terrorists (who do not exist, have been wiped out by the Prez and his “drone-happy” pals at State, or never did really exist), since we now know that the Twin Towers at ground zero were destroyed in what this Administration has now determined was a purely spontaneous reaction by some bearded youths (who get their news from those friendly, but hate filled websites…who only hate Jewish guys and Israel and other “apartheid” practitioners [see John Kerry]), who just happened to be strolling through some airports the morning of September 11, 2001 and suddenly boarded some airliners to do mischief because they were suddenly and wildly provoked by murky history lessons they recalled about the Crusades and King Richard.

The terrorists recruit very effectively, it seems, by using websites. And these clowns do their recruiting without resorting to their wives pals from college, who also happen to run a big website building company. I don’t really know how “big” such a company is/was, but it was expensive. (See Solyndra.) The terrorists do it on the cheap. Just because you have money in your pocket (or the US Treasury) doesn’t mean you have to spend it. I don’t suggest Obama hire terrorists to build the Obamacare website, but I bet he could negotiate effectively with them.  That’s how they have been getting guns…(along with the Mexican drug lords, but that’s another dumb story). But, if Obama did use terrorists to build the website it would probably work. They could always use threats and intimidation and murder to get people signed up. They could threaten to kidnap the daughters of our citizens and sell them into slavery. Works in Nigeria.

4) Finally, the dog speaks/thinks, but His thoughts need no explanation. He’s thinking what we’re all thinking.

Ps: My apologies to “Ketchup.”  I drew him from memory and placed the part in his hair on the wrong side. As I’ve so judiciously observed before, some things (and people) are so trivial and hackneyed, they don’t merit fact-checking. I apologize to the reader, too. This cartoon, like most I draw, isn’t very funny. Unless you happen to be a mean-spirited frustrated hack who studied art once in a former life and you’re starting to get irritated about the direction our country is going. In which case, take it from me, they’re uproariously humorous.

5-9-2014

The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by EagleRising.com


About the author

Stephen Bowers

Stephen Bowers

I am an attorney in Las Vegas who has always wanted to draw political cartoons, partly because I like drawing, but mostly because I enjoy ridiculing pompous know-nothings. Verbally debating them gets nowhere. They don't know they're beaten. But poking fun at them in a drawing leaves them without recourse or rebuttal. What can they do...? Call me names, whine, cuss me ... or maybe draw a witty riposte? Unlikely.
Steve Bowers, Esq.

Don't Miss Out!!

Get your daily dose of Eagle Rising by entering your email address below.

STAY IN THE LOOP
Don't miss a thing. Sign up for our email newsletter to become an insider.

Send this to friend