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Foreign Affairs Political Cartoons Politics Terrorism

John “Ketchup” Kerry is a Fool

Sometimes my cartoons need “HELP” because they’re a little too cryptic, obtuse, mis-informed, uninformed, or (I admit it) dumb.

1) John “Ketchup” Kerry made a dumb remark the other day. I’m still not sure what he meant, but like everything he does, why waste the time figuring it out. When Biden says something that doesn’t make sense, you chalk it up to stupidity because you know there’s a very slim chance anything he says will rise above “stupidity.” (That’s similar to some of my cartoons…according to my lovely wife. And that’s enough of that.) When Obama says something that doesn’t make sense it’s because truth and nonsensical things are usually antithetical. They don’t share the same space. When Lois Lerner says something that doesn’t make sense it’s because she’s calculating in her head whether she’ll later have to plead the Fifth to hedge around what she says. When Susan Rice says something dumb it’s because she’s reading dutifully from the dumb script in front of her. When Mrs. Clinton says something dumb it’s because she’s hedging her bets with a view to the next presidential campaign …or walking back some heinous thing Mr. Clinton did to some helpless woman in Bill’s own personal “War on Women.”   Besides, when Hillary says anything you have to ask yourself “WHAT DOES IT MATTER?” Right? But when Kerry says something dumb ie; “Terrorists cannot deliver healthcare” (If he actually said it, it’s so dumb I doubt even he could have said it…but if it wasn’t mouthed by him, that’s tough. This is a cartoon and only an idiot would try to say it depicts reality…even my personal weirdo version. And there’s always the First Amendment.)  But if he said it, I suppose it needs no explanation, although the speaker does.

heinz2)  “Ketchup” Kerry needs only a short explanation. He’s married to Teresa Heinz, of the ketchup Heinz’s. Teresa was married to a now departed senator who was heir to the ketchup makers.  She got lots of ketchup money at the senator’s death. Then she got John. See how it works? Some of my pals would call that “Karma.” Some senators get wealthy while they’re in the Senate because they marry rich widows during their public service. Others get wealthy in the Senate by other, less obvious, means. (See Harry Reid.)

I know it isn’t a very funny nickname, but Kerry isn’t funny either. He needs help. He should hire me to be his publicity guy.

3) Mr. and Mrs. America sitting in front of their TV have noticed the irony of “Ketchup’s” statement. The terrorists, whose main objective/accomplishment is hurting, killing, stoning, beheading, mutilating and kidnapping/enslavement of women, truly ain’t much good at governance. And what do they need healthcare for? And why should they try to deliver it to anyone. Although, they do have half this healthcare thing down. They have the “death squad” thing down to a “T.” They are almost as good at the “death squad” thing as those jerks in the Phoenix VA facility, which is a great example of how the government will hand out “free healthcare” when they actually get past the botched computer website stage and start actually passing out hospital beds, pills and x-rays. After Obamacare starts up always check to see which “list” you are on. It seems the terrorists (who do not exist, have been wiped out by the Prez and his “drone-happy” pals at State, or never did really exist), since we now know that the Twin Towers at ground zero were destroyed in what this Administration has now determined was a purely spontaneous reaction by some bearded youths (who get their news from those friendly, but hate filled websites…who only hate Jewish guys and Israel and other “apartheid” practitioners [see John Kerry]), who just happened to be strolling through some airports the morning of September 11, 2001 and suddenly boarded some airliners to do mischief because they were suddenly and wildly provoked by murky history lessons they recalled about the Crusades and King Richard.

The terrorists recruit very effectively, it seems, by using websites. And these clowns do their recruiting without resorting to their wives pals from college, who also happen to run a big website building company. I don’t really know how “big” such a company is/was, but it was expensive. (See Solyndra.) The terrorists do it on the cheap. Just because you have money in your pocket (or the US Treasury) doesn’t mean you have to spend it. I don’t suggest Obama hire terrorists to build the Obamacare website, but I bet he could negotiate effectively with them.  That’s how they have been getting guns…(along with the Mexican drug lords, but that’s another dumb story). But, if Obama did use terrorists to build the website it would probably work. They could always use threats and intimidation and murder to get people signed up. They could threaten to kidnap the daughters of our citizens and sell them into slavery. Works in Nigeria.

4) Finally, the dog speaks/thinks, but His thoughts need no explanation. He’s thinking what we’re all thinking.

Ps: My apologies to “Ketchup.”  I drew him from memory and placed the part in his hair on the wrong side. As I’ve so judiciously observed before, some things (and people) are so trivial and hackneyed, they don’t merit fact-checking. I apologize to the reader, too. This cartoon, like most I draw, isn’t very funny. Unless you happen to be a mean-spirited frustrated hack who studied art once in a former life and you’re starting to get irritated about the direction our country is going. In which case, take it from me, they’re uproariously humorous.

5-9-2014

The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by EagleRising.com


About the author

Stephen Bowers

Stephen Bowers

I am an attorney in Las Vegas who has always wanted to draw political cartoons, partly because I like drawing, but mostly because I enjoy ridiculing pompous know-nothings. Verbally debating them gets nowhere. They don't know they're beaten. But poking fun at them in a drawing leaves them without recourse or rebuttal. What can they do...? Call me names, whine, cuss me ... or maybe draw a witty riposte? Unlikely.
Steve Bowers, Esq.

  • mwl

    Ketchup can speak for an hour and say absolutely nothing of value. He is a has been, and the only title he retains is the Vietnam Coward. The medals he “won” vice earned , was from his own hand. kerry wrote all his award citations and certainly brought about his hero status. But the truth will always surface when a liar opens his mouth. kerry was screwing around with a hand granade and a piece of shrapnel hit him in the leg. His three month TOUR was his Vietnam experience.
    kerrys actions are far reaching than whaever he spits out of his yap hole, and thats when he threw his medals away at the W/H.
    What can anyone expect from hagel and kerry as a democrat team. Putin knew his military opposition from their past. Hagel an E-5 army sgt, knows nothing and kerry who thinks he knows it all.

    • colleenf

      My dad (USAF ret) served FOUR tours in Viet Nam….honorably as a fighter pilot.
      Kerry makes me sick.
      My dad, God rest his soul, served his country honorably and with devotion.
      Kerry has only served himself.

      • mwl

        colleenf, as a Navy vet of 26 years and an additional 5 tours as a civilian in Iraq and Afghanistan I see very concerning directions for the United States. obama has been a lie since day one, the only thoing he readily admits to and is proud of is his dope usage, biden is the dumbest bastard on the planet and can only do one thing vote the party line as he did all his 36 years in the senate, hagel Sec Def is actually an E-5 army sgt, he has no other training, he has stated that our armed forces need to be reduced to pre WW II levels. Mind you he didnt think of this himself it is an order that the E-5 is following. hagel cant think for himself. kerry is a coward but he thinks hes an elitist and some schmuck does all his dirty work. kerry is a bufoon and the job of Sec of State was to get clinton a free ride from the Benghazi investigation. kerry already stated he WILL NOT answer a congressional subpeona. The regime will not comply with any investigation and thats why pelosi called the fact finding hearings and special prosecutor a “stunt”. BOB BECKEL said “WHO CARES ABOUT BENGHAZI”,
        ALL these people are protecting their presidential candidate hillary clinton who is still trying to scrape the dogs mess shes stepped in called Benghazi. Something that was her DUTY to protect our embassy and the people there.
        The question I have is where are the 21 survivors. They were rescued, they were taken and then what did the govt do????
        Benghazi will never go away, kerry can run his mouth until he dies trying to protect clinton. Wont happen, The People will still keep coming and seeking the truth. obama classified previously unclassified documents as secret so that puts a cap of 25 years on them before they can be released. That wont hold up either.
        Never quit!!!

        • curmudgeon VN Veteran

          Boy did you nail the party of lies and deceit. I can’t imagine a democRAT politician every making a fully truthful statement.

  • allen goldberg

    Kerry is qualified for one thing…barely.
    Picking up dog excrement from backyards…oh wait….
    He is dog excrement…never mind!

    • seeymour kleerly

      Are you 9 years old?

      • Curtis Patton

        Excrement is not a 9 year old type of word. I forgot you wouldn’t know.

  • PatCindyCunningham

    John Kerry is no more than the white Al Sharpton. He was in Vietnam when protesting was big and he used it as a stepping stone. Other than that John Kerry is an empty suit. He marry’s up and becomes rich and an elitist all because he has a blood sucker mentality. I am just your ordinary person. I fear God pay my taxes, raised a family and have little to show for it. However, I would much rather be me than John Kerry because I at least retained my integrity.

    • curmudgeon VN Veteran

      Bingo! Amazes me that Lurch could attract and marry not one, but two multimillionaire females. Must be more than meets the eye.

      • PatCindyCunningham

        Yep! Old wooden head you would think, leaves splinters!

  • 2War Abn Vet

    Traitor John doesn’t need a new nickname. He established his reputation long ago

  • HowdyMO

    With Americans thinking the way they do about John Kerry, how dose this jerk show his face of all places on TV? He is a traitor and obumer hires him on to take Hillarys job that she never did.. Looks like John is going to do as good a job as hillary did.

    • colleenf

      Because he is an arrogant fool has been protected since his Viet Nam days when he should have been given a dishonorable discharge and gone to jail for his lies under oath.

  • Blessings

    I refuse to buy anything made by Heinz .I’m not giving this garbage any of my money..

    • curmudgeon VN Veteran

      I second that and Heinz was always my favorite until Traitor Kerry the gigolo entered the picture.

  • Ddenney1

    People should look into the “DEATHS” of both Heinz and Tower Both Senators were fight to end the Fed. Res. Bank primarily owned by the Rockefeller’s , Ford’s, and Carnegie’s among other elitists on both sides of the aisle predecessors to Agenda 21!

  • blacksunshine84

    Ketchup Kerry! LoL

  • mesaman

    Bowers, you are rapidly becoming a favorite with the thinking citizenry. I welcome any cartoon you design; its more than the artistry, its the way you look into the souls of your subjects.

  • obamathefailure

    another obama azz clown

  • Watchdogman

    I like Kerry’s new moniker. Katchsup! and he supports Water Melon!

  • cigarfintan

    My favorite: “Hair in search of a brain…”.

  • ABBAsFernando

    John Kerry is a card carrying COMMUNIST. John Kerry LIED to Congress. John Kerry is just as responsible for murdering millions of men, women, and children as his communist allies in Viet Nam.

    • seeymour kleerlyj

      Prove that he’s a Commie! I think you’re certifiable.

  • jjkrjw

    Check into the Tides Foundation. Teresa Heinz is a founder or co-sponsor of this “charitable” group that supports “progressive” causes. She donates millions of John Heinz’ money to this Soros-type foundation. I have a feeling John Heinz would not approve of the Tides Foundation or of the money-grubbing John Kerry.

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