After Joe and I got engaged we began reading books on marriage. We had a long engagement ahead of us and we wanted to be as prepared as possible for a life lived together for the glory of God. But a couple can be as prepared and well-matched as possible and still find themselves poisoning the very marriage they want to invest in. Over the years I have observed 5 toxic habits that poison marriages.
These toxins are common, easy to come by, and do more damage than many think.
I don’t really know why many of us nag. It never really works. It annoys the other person without bearing much fruit and causes frustration in the nagger. Yet we do it anyway.
Sometimes nagging can occur through sarcastic words (something I am guilty of). “Your dirty socks aren’t going to walk themselves to the hamper”, or “The lawn is looking good if you are going for the prairie look.”
The Bible has a hard word to say to naggers, especially women (maybe because we are more prone to nagging).
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
Wow, better to live in a desert? Better to be cut off from all human contact than to live with a nagger? Really? Why? Nagging is in opposition to encouragement. A nagging wife makes her husband’s life stressful and unpleasant and aren’t we called to do him good (Prov. 31). Aren’t we called to be a helper (Gen. 2:18)? If I nag my husband he is much less likely to want to do what I am asking him to do. Nagging is deflating, frustrating, annoying, unkind, and wrong.
We all complain, from unpleasant weather to the fact that no one puts their dishes in the dishwasher, we will never run out of things to complain about, but the problem is two fold.
First off, when we complain we are often telling God that we are dissatisfied with how he has ordained our day and our life. We are basically telling him that he is wrong and that we know better.
Secondly, a complaining spirit is the fruit of pride. We believe we deserve better. We think we are entitled to something more, and therefore speaking out against what we dislike feels justified.
Within marriage complaining often amounts to little more than the venting of our selfish and ungodly feelings. To often have I complained in front of my husband without any thought as to what effect my words will have on him. Complaining may let you blow off some steam, but it easily burns those around you.
Do everything without complaining and arguing
The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by EagleRising.com