Ever since Obama became obsessed with bathrooms instead of the world situation, our consciousness has become infiltrated with elimination.
Like everything Obama does, this has spilled over to my private life and my psychiatric session I was about thirty-five minutes into it. I had talked about my phobia about pissing in public bathrooms and sh..ting—well, forget that.
My shrink is decent looking. Her name is Greta. Her name is ugly, but what’s in a name, as Shakespeare said?
It’s hard to talk about excretion to a pretty lady. In fact excretion reminds me that I am human and I don’t like to be reminded of that.
I don’t know why I discussed my bathroom habits with her. I didn’t expect that talking about them would improve them. I would still be afraid.
My bathroom problems were rather debilitating. When on a plane I couldn’t piss in the cabin. I flew to Florida about once a year and if there was a delay I would almost explode. I just couldn’t get it out. I was afraid that people were lining up outside the door impatiently. I guess it was urine paranoia. James Joyce used to call the sound of pissing “Chamber Music.”
I didn’t have this problem when I was young. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to take so many trips to Europe. I couldn’t have held it in for six hours.
When I went to Charity parties with my wife I couldn’t piss in the luxurious public bathrooms. I felt there was someone listening outside my stall. Of course, I hadn’t been near a urinal in thirty years.
If the party was somewhat near my apartment I would tell my wife I was going twenty blocks home to piss and come back. This worked.
So with all my bathroom problems you can imagine what I thought when I told my shrink that I really didn’t like transgenders coming into my bathroom. I mean my problem with transgenders was more severe than most people’s due to my bathroom problems.
Greta got a bit huffy and said let’s not discuss it.
I could tell that she was a liberal and didn’t want to hear my conservative opinion of transgenders. It’s typical of liberals that they defend simpleminded categories like transgenders or gays but can’t understand more difficult and unusual categories like bathroom phobia and being piss shy.
It hurt me that Greta would defend the clichéd disease of transgenders and throw me overboard. Liberals lack imagination and empathy for anything that doesn’t fit into their neat clichéd categories.
I didn’t want to think that she was simple-minded when she was analyzing such a complex mind as my own. But then again the proof was in her myopic, overeducated, monolithic thought patterns.
Liberals tend to be closed minded. They are ideological and superior. What they are doing in the field of psychology? You got me.
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