Culture

Ted Cruz Christmas

See the attached Ted Cruz Family Christmas Card. It’s a wonderful counter to all the crassness seen at this time of year. Ted Cruz is my kind of guy. Right up there with the American President, Jack Ryan, in Clancyworld.

Please note the absence of a supercilious condescending grin on Ted’s face. The complete lack of race protest signs anywhere. The air of next-door-normalcy about Ted and his family. The fact they aren’t pictured in some exotic and expensive locale (on the Taxpayer’s dime(s). Notice also the fact Ted’s wife is attractive looking and not dressed in an expensive variation on a dress originally owned by Bozo the Clown’s sister. Also note that his two cute kids don’t look like they are dressed to go out “clubbing” or “pubbing.” (I can’t get fired for saying that …because I don’t work for a limp-wristed RINO.)

Speaking of how people “look…”

Someone told me during the McCain/Palin campaign that only dirty old men liked Sarah Palin. The woman speaking thus to me was thereby “poisoning the well,” avoiding meaningful discussion of Sarah’s candidacy and trying to intimidate me into not voting for Sarah because to do so would only confirm her idiotic truism that only old perverts would vote for Sarah…and prove I was evil for even considering Sarah. (Liberal “logic” is always backward.) The woman never actually admitted that Sarah was attractive…that would have been too emotionally painful, I was sure, but Sarah’s attractiveness was an unspoken subtext in bold, all-capps, which, of course, disqualified her for public office.

Well! I was appalled. Her assertion/accusation immediately brought to mind a far more widely recognized and scientifically provable truism about how Conservative Women are generally (…shucks!…actually, always) more attractive than liberal females.

I was well mannered, however, and held my tongue…as I painfully scrutinized her slavish adherence to bad fashion, lack of much needed make-up and general frumpiness…right down to her cheap knock-off Birkenstocks. Later she began pontificating on “global warming.” She spoke eloquently of how she was morally and intellectually superior to the conservatives (one) in her midst because she “had been on an Alaskan cruise and had actually observed glaciers melting into the ocean!” She had been horrified by actually watching the ocean level rising. But the thing that came to my feeble and inferior intellect was how I still get alumni periodicals from Pepperdine, which is situated beautifully on the shore of the Pacific …the same ocean into which those Alaskan glaciers are plunging helter-skelter.

I couldn’t take it. I took a powder.

Cruz Family

The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by EagleRising.com


About the author

Stephen Bowers

Stephen Bowers

I am an attorney in Las Vegas who has always wanted to draw political cartoons, partly because I like drawing, but mostly because I enjoy ridiculing pompous know-nothings. Verbally debating them gets nowhere. They don't know they're beaten. But poking fun at them in a drawing leaves them without recourse or rebuttal. What can they do...? Call me names, whine, cuss me ... or maybe draw a witty riposte? Unlikely.
Steve Bowers, Esq.

Don't Miss Out!!

Get your daily dose of Eagle Rising by entering your email address below.

STAY IN THE LOOP
Don't miss a thing. Sign up for our email newsletter to become an insider.

Send this to friend